Being an Essentialist in Your Personal Life

Beth Maffei

Disclaimer---This is a little on the serious side but I openly share my story because I think if it helps one person change one small part of their life to live more fully it’s worth it!

Several years ago my family was struck with tragedy when my husband was killed in a car accident on the way home from dinner. He had been traveling internationally (for a one hour meeting for a job he hated I might add) and had just arrived home so we drove two cars and met some friends out for a quick bite. I stayed out and he went home. Yes, it is shockingly tragic but I don’t share this with you to make you experience feelings of sadness or shock but to put into perspective how life can change in a moment and how our choices will impact our lives for years to come.  I am a positive person. I always look for and find the silver lining…in every situation.  Trust me…in this case that was immensely difficult. 

I began reading, praying, and talking.  I didn’t question why and honestly I didn’t do the typical things one would expect because what was the point.  Then I read, I prayed and I talked some more.  What I learned is that there was not one moment of regret that I could find in the 12 years we were together.  Why?  Because I knew how to say no when it counted.  I said no when I could have said yes and then would have missed out on countless opportunities to make memories with my family.  I said no when it made people mad.  I said no when it cost me a few friends.  I said no when it probably didn’t help my career.  Long ago, I unknowingly made a list of priorities in my head (or perhaps my heart) and I didn’t deviate from the fact that my family over and above all things is my number one priority.  There were very few times that I put them aside or on the back burner and that was typically in extreme cases where someone truly needed my help or assistance.  And for that I have years and years of memories stored up to share and smile over.  Make your priorities and stick to them. 

Greg McKeown’s book, Essentialism, presents a belief that we need to model our lives after on a personal and professional level. Don’t let your professional life creep in and take over. Make the choices that will impact your life and don’t allow someone else to make them for you.  There were several examples in his book where I silently cheered “YES!” when a parent chose family time over work on the weekends or during the evening hours. If you’re on vacation, set up an auto response on your email. It can wait. If it’s a Saturday and you have your kid’s ballgame to go to leave your phone in the car. The email can wait.  If it’s a Wednesday night and your kid has a ballet recital turn your phone off. The voicemails and emails can wait.  Get my drift?

By being purposeful and establishing a well thought out routine for our professional responsibilities we can keep work at work and prioritize our family time at home.  I had to come to terms a few years ago that sometimes things couldn’t be done perfectly.  They just needed to be done just as he said in his book.  Perfection isn’t always the goal.  I also gave up being on every committee or involved in every extra-curricular activity. Yes, sometimes the decision made wasn’t the one I would have made but that’s okay. My way isn’t always the right way and certainly isn’t the only way.  Let it go. Find the things that are the most essential and cut the rest out.  I call it “trimming the fat”. 


McKeown calls our time here on Earth “precious” and he couldn’t be more right.  By making the essential choices professionally, we are freed up to spend “precious” personal time on things that matter more than anything else ever will.

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